Dangerous Hockey

Hockey North America, one of the most respected and organized “Men’s Leagues” around got a taste of Dangeroushockey as my Cleveland Rebels put a beating on the 1st place “Martians.”  It wasn’t the 7-3 score that this story is so much about.   Which could have easily been 17-3 if not for solid play by Martians Goalie (Adam Christian).

The rest of his team,  were the biggest bunch of punks I’ve ever faced in 30 years of hockey.  First shift, I swear on my kids I’m not making this up, a guy accused me of KICKING him.  It was all downhill from there, for them. I find out later they BY FAR

"Um, anyone see our spaceship?"

lead league in penalties.

Here’s the rub, (and honestly, I’m not certain why it seemed this way) but was I the only one on my team to stand up to them?  Granted I was on the “skilled line” and since I have few, I just did my job clogging up the middle so my guys can skate around their goon pylons and score at will.  Which they did.

For these scoring liberties, I took at least 7-8 cross checks, 1-2 sticks to the face/neck, 1 fierce baseball swing slash across my shin, and at least 9-12 semi threats to fight.  But every threat with the exception of 1, was by 3 guys at a time.  The funny part is they would get in my face, all tough, circling me, surrounding me, but nobody had the crackers to do a goddamn thing.  Unless it was with a weapon or a cheap shot.

They were “pissed” because I “ran the goalie” in a Men’s league.  The fact is, I was on a 2 on 1.  The pass came to my backhand in tight.  I looked down to play the puck and we collided.  Net moved, he goes down, everyone’s mad at Dangeroushockey.  I immediately asked goal if he was OK.  “Yes, he says.” Then again, all his so-called tough guys got in my face.  Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah……..I just laughed.  As I knew I was safer than a baby in a womb from these yappies.

Literally it was 3 at a time.  Nowhere were my guys, either I missed it, or they thought differently about the situation (which I goddamn doubt and hope that’s not the case although nobody really talked to me after game which hurt my feelings).  But here I am, half shield (which I wear up) out of shape, fatigued from a potentially debilitating and even (rarely) deadly illness these guys are all chirpy like little schoolgirls.  But not one “Space Alien” not a single ray gun holding one-eyed Martian…..

"We can't stop them, this does not compute."

wanted to do anything manly.  Again blind side hits, using their sticks as weapons.  Maybe it’s an outer space thing? All got shoved back in their asses.

I took a fucking beating yesterday.  But in the end, I literally kicked the living crap out of practically that entire team without drawing 1 legitimate penalty (the refs thought otherwise and called 3).  However, I drew 7 or 8.  Irony, they keep throwing out “men’s league, men’s league” while acting like little children.  Both in their actions and their fear.

The highlight was when 1 guy standing at his bench with 20 guys behind him as I was being shoved in the penalty box (which I swear I didn’t know how to open and pissed off Referee man) this older dude yells “Wanna take me on?  Center Ice right now.”  I didn’t know if he wanted to fight me or fuck me.  Either way, normally I’d be game but I was tired and being shoved for the 3rd time in the box.  Plus I only have on hand, so I’m at a slim disadvantage should I get in my 1st “hockey fight” in 30 years.

The rules are screwy in the HNA league.  One fight your automatically suspended but one baseball swing to a knee or one cross check to my throat, 2 minutes!~ I gotta tell you on the heels of getting a significant health scare yesterday, I was full of life after last night’s game.  Right from the opening shift when some guy pushes me over, lands on me.  I try to get up and he claims I “kicked him.”

"Red Card, Kick to Face"

Yea, I kicked him.  I mean the older I get, the more stupid I think this world is sometimes.  I went out there and kicked a guy with my skate?    What a jaggoff…”you kicked me.”  Are we all in 3rd grade?

I suppose this blog won’t bode well for my safety next game.  But the story had to be told. I literally think their entire team tried, and failed at taking me out.  Although the one guy did ask.

Peace and see you later,

VERY Dangeroushockey:)
Be safe and cool on the ice.

"You never got me down Ray, never knocked me down."

READ MY OTHER CRAP!  love you all.  Hope to be back by playoffs.  Live every moment.

Obscure blogger and shitty hockey player, Rocco Tremaglio’s potential health problems: Bloodwork may just keep the St. Louis blues out of Cleveland.  “Look, I tend not to overreact to thing.  It’s just a liver.  I think they grow back don’t they?  Hell and I don’t even drink.” said Tremaglio as he was seen leaving his corporate headquarters.

"It's Barnaby or Kingjames, I bet."

Dangeroushockey obtained a copy of the report:

"Proof there is no God?"

Tremaglio maintained that his health was insignificant “Look we got dogs being washed out to sea, and guys taking lunch breaks next to melting fuel rods.  As long as I can still play hockey, I’ll be fine.”

The mystery disease broke out “sometime around Christmas” and has bothered the naughty little blogger since.  Dangeroushockey will continue it’s quest to bring the Stanley Cup to Cleveland.  According to his team of physicians “it’s nothing to worry about.”

In the era of massive NHL suspensions, and even more achy concussions, one must stop and really look at everything that is contributing to these issues.  Certainly size and speed of players is one.  Rink design, refereeing, the whole nine yards.

Dangeroushockey decided to look into how bowel movements affect these hits?  For example, Einstein said that mass+energy = 2 opposite and equal reactions.  So, let’s imagine a guy’s been constipated for a couple of days.  Imagine the guy he collides with is, as well.  This ads an extra 4-6lbs to the collision.  That’s bad!  We think.  So we asked the experts.

Knowing what we know about concussions, the extra force, subtle as it may be, could in fact be what pushes a migraine over into a concussion.  “You won’t believe the questions we

"Of course constipation affects everything in the body."

get asked and the drugs many athletes take to cleanse themselves to give them an extra advantage.” said Doctor Odorly from Stanford’s department of Gastroentrology.

Putting it bluntly “one extra movement or lack of a poop, could in theory, put a player at risk.”  Fans just shook their heads when approached outside the Columbus Blue Jackets St Patty’s day celebration’s.  “Shit, I got 10lbs of beer in me.  I can barley move off this bar stool much less give someone a concussion.” said one fan.  “Are the Jackets still playing in Columbus?” said another.

We realize that many of you may poo poo this story as trite and another version of DH trying to find a story when there is none.  But the average person has at least 5lbs of undigested food and another 5lbs of waste in their long, not small intestines at any given time.

The bottom line, is when you’re trying to solve a mystery, or a case if you will, you need to review all of the evidence presented.  I’m now presenting this to the NHL.  Please don’t ignore this Gary as what can be a corned beef sangwich today, can be scrambled eggs tomorrow.

Words that Eric Naughton and countless others have to utter each and every year to themselves, their loved ones, themselves again and again questioning the realness of it.

"Don't wait, follow your dreams NOW."

It took a cancer diagnosis (Hodgkins) to change Eric’s life for the better.  And forever changed his attitude.  “My message is to make people realize that TODAY is the day to do the things you want out of life.

Eric decided he wanted learn to play hockey (who wouldn’t?).  And he’s making a movie about it.  Now here’s a guy who is 40 years old, never skated and wants to learn to play hockey, WHILE in remission from cancer.

Ballsy.  But gives me goose bumps every time I think about it.  See, I’m biased, but also 100 percent correct when I say hockey is the best sport in the world and cancer is the worst disease in the world.  About 2 years later, Eric is cancer free, and is a hockey player.

He’s also making a movie about his story.   There are several NHL players with cancer who have beaten it. The most famous is Mario Lemieux.  I discovered Eric through a wonderful article written by massive Dangeroushockey fan, and supporter Puck Daddy (see article) I was immediately drawn to Eric’s story as I’m a hockey player, filmmaker, same age etc.

Finally, this past Saturday, a brief 5 minute emotional meeting that I’ll never forget.  Eric was in Pittsburgh for the fantasy camp (see trailer).  After the first period, Eric and I met.  In 5 minutes we had a conversation with more substance than I have with people in 5 years.

Eric made it clear that he wants people to know they can do anything they want, “there’s no reason you can’t and no time like now.”  I told him that it inspires me every day and how I’ve changed my life partially because of him.  Eric became emotional (sorry Eric). I’m sure I would have as well if my kids weren’t goofing around while I was talking to him.

Eric, is a hero.  I wish I could be surrounded by him and other survivors every day.  We all know life is fleeting, and most of us take it for granted.  Well, you shouldn’t.

Do something wonderful today,

Peace, love and happiness,

Love, your hockey idiot.

From: Rocque Trem <rocque@dadadamedia.com>

Date: March 11, 2011 9:50:41 PM EST

To: “Roger Goodell” <NFL.UG11GA.4734@email.nfl.com>

Cc: rocquetrem@adelphia.net

Subject: Re: Letter from Roger Goodell

Roger,Look.  First of all, if you care about my passion for the game, you would have answered my response to your original email.  I’ve been hitting refresh for months now awaiting it.  Finally, tonight, I see this and thought alas!  But no, it’s more positioning and what’s worse, it’s a bunch of stuff I cannot even begin to comprehend.

I don’t know why you guys feel a need to take this fight public?  Do I email you every time I get in a fight with my wife or a disagreement with my employees?  No, I don’t.  However, if any of my customers did email me, rest assured I’d respond.

Now I have players emailing me and tweeting me about how unfair you are and using words that I would not repeat.  The whole thing is very disheartening.  I’m sitting here watching people get sucked in the Pacific Ocean and this?  You know what, you bunch of rich, greedy, spoiled assholes better get your shit together.  The NHL has a way better product and well unfortunately for them, they just signed Gary Bettman to a long term extension.  So I guess you guys are fine.  Do you think I could get an interview for my blog?  Maybe it will do some good?

Finally, can you let me know how the cheerleaders are affected by this and if I can get a few of their email addresses to see where they stand on it all?

Regards,

Rocque Trem

President

Dangeroushockey.com

On Mar 11, 2011, at 9:06 PM, Roger Goodell wrote:

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Dear NFL Fan,When I wrote to you last on behalf of the NFL, we promised you that we would work tirelessly to find a collectively bargained solution to our differences with the players’ union. Subsequent to that letter to you, we agreed that the fastest way to a fair agreement was for everyone to work together through a mediation process. For the last three weeks I have personally attended every session of mediation, which is a process our clubs sincerely believe in. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that earlier today the players’ union walked away from mediation and collective bargaining and has initiated litigation against the clubs. In an effort to get a fair agreement now, our clubs offered a deal today that was, among other things, designed to have no adverse financial impact on veteran players in the early years, and would have met the players’ financial demands in the latter years of the agreement. The proposal we made included an offer to narrow the player compensation gap that existed in the negotiations by splitting the difference; guarantee a reallocation of savings from first-round rookies to veterans and retirees without negatively affecting compensation for rounds 2-7; no compensation reduction for veterans; implement new year-round health and safety rules; retain the current 16-4 season format for at least two years with any subsequent changes subject to the approval of the league and union; and establish a new legacy fund for retired players ($82 million contributed by the owners over the next two years). It was a deal that offered compromise, and would have ensured the well-being of our players and guaranteed the long-term future for the fans of the great game we all love so much. It was a deal where everyone would prosper. We remain committed to collective bargaining and the federal mediation process until an agreement is reached, and call on the union to return to negotiations immediately. NFL players, clubs, and fans want an agreement. The only place it can be reached is at the bargaining table. While we are disappointed with the union’s actions, we remain steadfastly committed to reaching an agreement that serves the best interest of NFL players, clubs and fans, and thank you for your continued support of our League. First and foremost it is your passion for the game that drives us all, and we will not lose sight of this as we continue to work for a deal that works for everyone. Yours, Roger Goodell Players vs Owners

Head shots, concussions, bench clearing brawls, pre meditated attacks on players, slew footing, knife fights in parking lots, severed heads, octopus attacks.  What a great fucking year for the NHL!  And sports in general.

Look, who are we kidding?  Violence drives all sports.  No violence, no audience, no money.  You are delusional if you think this is not the case.  I assume I must back the statement up so:  MMA, boxing (dead because not violent enough), NHL, NFL, NASCAR, hell, people love violence.  They love destructive behavior more so than the end result.

Take #winning Chuck Sheen for example.  Everyone loves the behavior that all of these people exhibit but when the end results of broken necks, brain damage, overdoses, death happen everyone is like “Oh, what a shame.  Something needs to be done. Poor Charlie”

It’s OK that we pay billions of dollars to put people in a position to have all of these things happen.  But when they happen. “Oh my God, hockey’s such a brutal sport.”  Fuck off.

All of these sports are brutal.  Most of us either knowingly or subconsciously support every single goddamn last-minute of it.  I see it already at age 6.  Parents wanting their kids to kill (metaphorically but is it) the other kids in tackle football.  I’m one of them.  My son crushes kids that are 8 and I fucking love it.  Now is that right?  Would most people admit it?   Should I rethink my stance on it?  I don’t know.  But as of this moment, the harder he hits a kid, the better I feel.

Sure, if he injured a kid seriously, I’d feel horrible.  Guilty.  But the truth is, I’d probably justify it.  He was just playing football.  Now flip side. Some kid hurts my kid.  I’m not happy daddy.  So what do we do?  Don’t tell me for a minute that coaches, parents, kids, players, at any level are not out there for one reason.  To win.  And to win at any and all cost.  To others and to themselves.

Chara pushed that poor guys fucking head right into that glass and he knew exactly what he was doing.  Historically a “clean player.”  Doesn’t matter.  “Lapse of judgement.” Don’t matter.  It’s like saying it’s OK to kill the guy you catch banging your wife, even if you’ve never had a speeding ticket and go to church every Sunday.

Bullfighting.  Rodeo.  Running of the bulls.  Now we got the owner of the Canadians, one of the Molson beer family brats, expressing public concern for all player safety while millions of people are ruining their lives with his deadly product.

Just fucking let the chips fall where they may.  Be smart, be true and most of all “Bleed Hockey.”  And by the way, the players wouldn’t trade one second of it for anything.  I believe they are “at will” employees?

With some of the most innovative marketing in NHL, this would ROCK.  Headline “Hockey Players don’t cry.  EVER.”    Well unless they’re 4.