Dangeroushockey: Do Bowel Movements affect player safety?


In the era of massive NHL suspensions, and even more achy concussions, one must stop and really look at everything that is contributing to these issues.  Certainly size and speed of players is one.  Rink design, refereeing, the whole nine yards.

Dangeroushockey decided to look into how bowel movements affect these hits?  For example, Einstein said that mass+energy = 2 opposite and equal reactions.  So, let’s imagine a guy’s been constipated for a couple of days.  Imagine the guy he collides with is, as well.  This ads an extra 4-6lbs to the collision.  That’s bad!  We think.  So we asked the experts.

Knowing what we know about concussions, the extra force, subtle as it may be, could in fact be what pushes a migraine over into a concussion.  “You won’t believe the questions we

"Of course constipation affects everything in the body."

get asked and the drugs many athletes take to cleanse themselves to give them an extra advantage.” said Doctor Odorly from Stanford’s department of Gastroentrology.

Putting it bluntly “one extra movement or lack of a poop, could in theory, put a player at risk.”  Fans just shook their heads when approached outside the Columbus Blue Jackets St Patty’s day celebration’s.  “Shit, I got 10lbs of beer in me.  I can barley move off this bar stool much less give someone a concussion.” said one fan.  “Are the Jackets still playing in Columbus?” said another.

We realize that many of you may poo poo this story as trite and another version of DH trying to find a story when there is none.  But the average person has at least 5lbs of undigested food and another 5lbs of waste in their long, not small intestines at any given time.

The bottom line, is when you’re trying to solve a mystery, or a case if you will, you need to review all of the evidence presented.  I’m now presenting this to the NHL.  Please don’t ignore this Gary as what can be a corned beef sangwich today, can be scrambled eggs tomorrow.

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About hockeyrocque

It will happen. Cleveland will win a Stanley Cup before any other major sport's trophy. While we admit we are not hockey bloggers that take themselves seriously, we do expect that ESPN hockey coverage needs challenged. It's time people take hockey seriously, and it ain't happening here. Great hockey, stats, scores, highlights. Um no. LOL
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