Dangerous Hockey

So the story goes, and I know this may be a stretch, but it’s worth a few moments of your eyeballs directly focused on the task at hand.  Conspiracy Theories have taken a new life of their own and I laugh at most as I hear people thinking that Jesse Ventura is making valid points.  I laugh that he is, or was, a Governor for that matter.

First a very odd series of events have led to much speculation.  The facts:

1. King James leaves town, people get sad, mad etc. I was glad he left, I want an NHL team here.
   

   The King and I

2. Dangeroushockey engages Mr. James with a series of “Tweets”  Many of them in jest, many of them stern, many of them silly.
3. The King ignores all direct tweets from Dangeroushockey…..or does he?
4. King James or @kingjames tweets the message “”Crazy. Karma is a b****.. Gets you every time. Its not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!”
5. On the morning of December 31, 2010 (NEW YEAR’S EVE) the following nearly explosive event happens at my front door:

STAY WITH ME NOW, THIS MAY BE YOU NEXT!

At approximately 9:30 AM, I was driving down my street when my neighbors puppy darted out at my car.  Fortunately, being fully aware of the road, I saw the dog the entire time and made certain not to hit this dog or even come close ( i love animals).

Approximately 9:40am, a knock at my door.  It’s my neighbor! He had DRIVEN 2 driveways, to my house.  I answered with my 8-year-old daughter in doorway.  “Hey” I said.  As I thought he was coming to apologize, or thank me, for NOT HITTING HIS DOG.

I love animals.....

Instead, he was enraged.  He began swearing at me, screaming at me (at this point I closed the door and ordered my daughter inside) accusing me of “Almost hitting his dog and NOT EVEN CARING.”

I tried multiple times to calmly explain to him that the exact opposite happened. He wanted nothing to hear of it.  He kept raising his voice, threatening me physically, making insane, unsubstantiated accusations at 9:40am on NEW YEARS EVE.  “Was he drunk?” many wondered as I retold the story.

After trying calmly to explain the reality of the situation I realize he was not hearing it. He was there for one reason.  Now that I realized this guy was not rational and that he posed a potentially serious threat to my family, I got in full Deryk Engelland mode.  I was pissed.  I ordered him to leave my yard before I called the cops.

He resisted only slightly as I guess that even though I’m a fat, has been of a hockey player, I still exude the grit and potential fearlessness of one.  He walked to his car, told me that he was going to “tell all the neighbors on me so I won’t have any friends.” and left.

My family was scared.  My son could care less, he was building Legos and said he would kick the guys ass if I didn’t.  He’s 6.  And he meant it.

As they days went by and I told the story to more and more people, there was a common theme.  It didn’t add up.  It just didn’t.  Why?  Why?  Then someone was mentioning all of these conspiracy theories.  The dying birds,  the underground military,  the secret tunnel to Hawaii.  Crazy sh&#.  Was Matt Barnaby involved?  I lay awake at night.  Wondering.  Theorizing. Then I read the LeBron tweet.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Could I have been set up?  I mean @kingjames has over a million loyal followers.   Hmmm, again, I thought.  I replayed the event in my mind.  Could the dog have been a trained actor?  I’ve never seen the dog before and have not seen it since.   Why did this seemingly nice guy, SNAP at 9:30 am on my ONLY day off?  Also only to disappear?Coincidence?

Unidentified local authorities had no answers either.  They basically told me not to fight with my neighbors and that in this day and age, anything is possible.   Why would the King want me dead?  Well, he is the “King.”  And Dangeroushockey has been vocally opposed to his rule for years.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  I hummed.  Was the tweet a subliminal message for some crazy fan to take me out?  A signal? Was this guy there to kill me?  Hope that I engaged him in a conflict that left me dead or severely injured? Could he have been trained military?  Martial Arts?  or even worse MIXED MARTIAL ARTS?  Or even the WORST, Chuck Norris?  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Hell, I don’t know.  But I will tell you all this, Jesse Ventura, if you read this, please contact me for your next show.  I’ll be sure to watch them all from now on.

PS:  Just think if King James did really send a message out to 1.6 million people to take out his enemies.  Wonder what would happen?  Bleed Hockey you sickos.  If anyone is still reading, you’re a trooper.

Peace and Love,

Even to you crazy neighbor and Kingjames.  I actually get a kick out of James now.  He’s a goofy kid but he’ll grow up.  Smell ya later.

I love High School hockey.  I never played because my school didn’t have a team and I was on a travel hockey team.  In OHIO, you cannot play travel and High School.  At least way back when.  Anyway, I decided to take my kids to see the Aurora Greenmen vs the Mayfield something or another.  This article was originally supposed to be about the Mayfield goalie but that was until I ran into these guys:

"Put us on Yahoo. Who is Puck Daddy?"

Pretty sure the inspiration is Vancouver’s own “Green Guys.”  Who are pretty cool dudes, You can find their blog somewhere (I’ll get you link later) but I like them even though they are Canucks fans.  I think these costumes are popping up all over in other sports but I’m gonna run with these Canuck geeks because, well I really don’t feel like investigating it.  Keep the spirit up, bleed hockey and donate money to poor.

Thanks,

Rocco the Narrator…….

PS:  I’ll mention the Mayfield goalie who according to his dad is good.  But his dad couldn’t email me his stats so this is all he gets.  Who doesn’t email???

Good Mayfield Goalie....look up his stats at Lake County News Herald

This may be true as the Cleveland Browns are in the unique position of being able to come up with just about any plan that will improve the team since their glorious return to Cleveland in 1999.  For example:

1. They can turn the team over to the fans and have plays called by an online ap.
2. The Browns can run the “Statue of Liberty” play over and over and over just for kicks.  If they can’t win, may as well have fun.
3. They can move the team in the middle of the day to any city willing to take them.
4. Or the most interesting option I’ve heard to date.  (may be disturbing) Dig up the skeleton
   

   "Fucking Cleveland? I guess it's better than this box?"

   of Herb Brooks, the legendary hockey coach and throw him on the sidelines.

I love this idea.  Why?  Well, the obvious, how cool would it be to have a skeleton on the sidelines?  Think of the marking possibilities.  Secondly, the idea of having a ballsy hockey coach infuse the NFL with a breed of toughness never witnessed.

Herby taking a team full of spoiled, millionaire guys who take the first chance to miss a game because of a hamstring tear and turning them all into players with the nuts of a bull rider (or bull.)  The cold, ferocity of a mafia hitman.  And the passion of any girl not with me.  This team not only be an instant fan favorite, worldwide, but they would be a contender.

Teams would fear them.  They wouldn’t understand them.  Imagine if Herb could infuse some hockey discipline, techniques and play into the NFL.  For example: Breakouts, fights, checking (tackling with attitude.)  Goaltending?

"I'll do anything for Herby."

A designated safety with NHL goaltending experience.  Glove saves=interceptions.  Kick saves=sexy deflected pass.  Blocker=tip drill.

The team would be loaded with players that are trained to change on the fly.  Depth.  New players coming in and out of game each play.  A defensive coordinators nightmare.  Cleveland’s wet dream.

And let’s face it, we all need, pardon the pun, a “MIRACLE” in Cleveland.  Especially the Browns, who are arguably the worst franchise in sports history.  OK, not arguable.  They fucking suck.  In fact, it may not be worth the time to dig him up.  But, I’m guessing that somewhere, he’s up for the challenge.  He did beat the Russians after all, the REAL Russians. (Thank you Herb).

Love and miss you,

DH

PS:  He’s the reason I’m in hockey and if you don’t know who he is, watch Miracle.

"This look alone ought to get me 5 wins?"

She’s NUTZ for the Pens.  What can I say?  I’m a Panther’s fan.