Mellon Arena Moving to Cleveland? (my ACTUAL letter to Mayor and Penguins)


Dear Mayor,

Hello.  My name is Rocque Trem and I’m trying to bring the NHL back to the great city of Cleveland.

One step closer to NHL in Cleveland?

I’m certain you are familiar with my international hockey publication, Dangeroushockey.com.  If you’re not, please give us a free trial, I’m certain you will enjoy the fresh new take on the game.

Many describe us as a “unique” voice.  Which I am not entirely clear what that means, but oh well.  To my point, I’ll be brief.  I want to purchase the Igloo and move it to Cleveland. I have contracted with this reputable company below to help me move it here.  They normally only do mobile homes but have made an exception for me if I give them a pair of season tickets.

Judging by the beautiful new arena I visited on Monday (they LOST!!!) you guys no longer have a need for the Igloo.  However, I spent much time over the past few years and find it the perfect venue for an upstart city with no money or team.  “Build it and they will come.” I believe.  I’ll have to rename it, but I think the history of the building and the unique look will be the perfect combination to excite both fans and players to flock to Cleveland.

And we all know what a Cleveland/Pittsburgh rivalry is worth financially!  I am not certain if you get involved with real estate?  I’m prepared to offer, 375,093 exactly for the facility as is.  Assuming no significant structural issues have changed since I’ve last been there.  I saw you moved the High School Jerseys, that’s fine.  I used a computer real estate site called “Olduselessrinkvalues.com” to appraise the arena and this is exactly 10 percent higher than they suggested.  Why?  Because I’m a man who knows what it takes to get what he needs.

Forgive me for my sense of urgency but I can deliver a cashiers check (should I make out to you or the Penguins?) immediately.  I’m ready to move this puppy and start selling tickets. I don’t as of yet, have a team, but rest assured I will not go after the Pens.

Just between you and me, I’m looking at in the following order:  The Coyotes, The Jackets or the Islanders. I’d also consider the Lightning or Panthers, but would rather just raid their players as they cannot possibly keep paying them selling tickets for $8 bucks.

If I don’t hear from you, I’ll assume we have a deal and will show up with the moving crew and check soon, cool?  Please let me know if you have any questions or  concerns as I cannot tell you what a dream this is and how lucky I was to be struck in the middle of the night with this stellar plan.  I mean you guys don’t need it, I do! Please keep this confidential as I hate the press (Except for PUCK Daddy) and fully intend to use them only as pawns in my game to sell tickets. However until I have a team, I need to give the illusion of serious activity and I’m sure you would agree that moving that building to downtown Cleveland is the way to do it!  Thanks in advance for your cooperation.  I’m extremely excited to play the Pens in the near future.  Perhaps we can go to a game together to discuss?  Call or email with questions or concerns.  Cell 216 990 9603 or email

Rocque@dadadamedia.com.

Regards,

Rocque Trem

President, dangeroushockey.com

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About hockeyrocque

It will happen. Cleveland will win a Stanley Cup before any other major sport's trophy. While we admit we are not hockey bloggers that take themselves seriously, we do expect that ESPN hockey coverage needs challenged. It's time people take hockey seriously, and it ain't happening here. Great hockey, stats, scores, highlights. Um no. LOL
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2 Responses to Mellon Arena Moving to Cleveland? (my ACTUAL letter to Mayor and Penguins)

  1. Hardnosehockey says:

    Hockey doesnt belong in America, let alone Cleveland.

  2. Polo says:

    Right on about $8 tickets. My brother lives in Tampa and when I was there back in October I bought 2 tickets off Ebay buy-it-now for the Lightning game. TOTAL bill was $10 for two Lightning tickets. YIKES

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