Nobody was more excited about Ilya’s 17 year deal than my son Max.
He immediately put the plan in motion. Learning from his hometown hero LeBron James, he’s plotting his course to join Kovalchuk in 11 years as his right wing. Max is 6. But we had a frank conversation the minute this deal was struck.
Assuming the state of NJ, still exists in 11 years, Max will be the right wing new young stud playing alongside his russian idol. The plan:
- We will watch every game he plays for the next 11 years. I tried to get NHL ticket to give me a discount if I signed a 17 year deal and the hung up on me.
- Learn Russian. Max is somewhat fluent in english. Why not be somewhat fluent in Russian?
- Meet Kovalchuk. We are planning a trip to Ridgewood for a charity event. This will entail a worthwhile risky trip to the Prudential Center. I hear it’s very unsavory.
- Finish the fight with Matthew Barnaby. Max kicked him in the face 2 years ago. Barnaby said it didn’t hurt. Max is 2 years older. He wants another shot.
- Exploit all his friends, community, teammates for years to come in order to fulfill his dream. This is the LeBron analogy if it’s not obvious.
- Have a long discussion with his Christian mom as to why he wants to play for the Devils?
- Prepare now to resist the temptation to call him “Dad.” And more importantly, resist the temptation to impregnate his hot Russian daughters.
- Send Ilya, vitamins and fish oil every Christmas.
- Start thinking about what number he wants to wear.
- Plan his debut vs. fashion Icon Sean Avery and kick the living crap out of him.